So I haven't updated in a while and there isn't a whole lot going on. We got our new drums and covers. Band is really frustrating and that's really all I have to say. Classes are fine just boring and people being stupid is just a norm in my life so I've kind of gotten used to it.

The only good thing about being this low, is there's no place to go but up.

Things suck so bad right now and I don't know why. I find myself trying so hard to hold back tears that I can't breathe. I just want it to end, is that so bad? I just want things to go back to the way they were. Is that so hard? Why can't I just quit. I want to but I find myself still holding on to something. I want to to let go but I can't. I don't know how I'm gonna make it through this year. Where did my life go?

So, its been a week since my last post and my feelings haven't changed too much. I'm still looking forward to the end instead of hoping for the beginning. Even though yesterday at Neighborhood Pizza/Ryan's house was fun I still find myself wondering if its all worth it. I often find myself in silence, sitting there, looking around at what my world has now become and I can't say I really like what I see. I don't know maybe I'm just cranky. I got my schedule, and this is how it goes:

1. Band

2. Discrete Math

3. French 3

4. Focus-Ford

5. Lib and Law H

6. A/P Psych

7. English 3H

8. ADV Biology

I'm actually excited for school just b/c I might actually be able to escape all the crap that is going on now. Maybe I'll feel different once school starts and I get in the swing of things. I don't know, things just really suck right now. I guess I'll shut up and stop complaining though.

So I've gone through 3 days of band camp and its not what I thought it would be. I mean its nothing like last year. This year is so draining. Maybe its b/c the drumline is ahead so we march twice as long as the rest of the band b/c we don't have to sit there and explain everything. I find it so draining, my knees are killing me, my ankle is killing me, and everyday I come home with the biggest headache in the world. I know its horrible but sometimes when we're marching I find myself wondering if its all worth it. Last year I found it fun but this year it just feels like work. Its so depressing. The drumline is rockin although certain comments today made me realize that maybe, once again, the bass line is behind the drumline. I don't know why but band just isn't enjoyable right now. Hopefully the first football game or the first competition will change my feelings.

Things have just seemed to change so much and I don't like how they've changed. I almost don't want to admit to the changes just b/c I really don't like them. I don't like how this year is turning out. I mean in like the last three days I've cried, been yelled at, thought of quitting, felt passing out, felt like not even getting out of bed, but still wanting to try with the hope that maybe one day it will change. I just don't know what to do anymore and the worst part is that I don't know who to turn too. I just don't know what to do. I get through the days just looking forward to the end. I just feel like the world is changing without me and I'm just left alone in the dark with nothing but my thoughts.

So wow I haven't updated in a while but I've been so tired with drumline lately that I just really haven't felt like it. I'm really sore but as Mr. Bruner's shirt says "Pain is weakness leaving the body", Just gotta keep on pushing through. So far this week has been suprisingly fun. I have my moments of frustration and anger but I've got through them. I'm really excited for the drumline, I am so proud of what we have accomplished. The bassline can split 4's aka 32nd notes. Its insane. I'm so excited. We've also learned all of Granada and its starting to groove. We've only had the song for 3 days so I think that's pretty sweet. We got Havana Express today so hopefully we will have that down by the end of the week. Today was really pleasent. The wind/rain was awesome but we had to go inside so the intruments wouldn't get damaged. We practiced in the drama room and we had a pet. A FREAKIN DEAD MOUSE. It was disturbing. We will get our new drums next week and we got new bass stands today that are freakin sweet.

Everything seems to be going well and I'm looking forward to the next two weeks. It kind of scares me b/c once I get excited or happy something ends up going wrong so I really hope that doesn't happen this time.

Well hope to see all you cool peeps at Band Camp or some other time.

Keep It Rockin

Lindsay